Director George Lucas has reacted swiftly to news that the global recession may not last as long as feared, by announcing a new release of the Star Wars saga in time to suck up the small amount of money that fans will possibly have left after providing themselves with basic food and shelter.
Following the controversy over the previous reissue of the original trilogy with computer-generated special effects, it seems that Lucas is no longer even pretending to be motivated by artistic integrity, and is merely releasing the same films as before, in the unusual format of small bags of heroin.
"This is outrageous," complained self-confessed Star Wars fan Colin "Darth" Bingley. "They know full well that the fans will just get sucked into this, and won't be able to say no. Well I've had enough - I'll just try the first one to make sure it's no good, and then I'm out - I can quit whenever I like."
Lucas was quick to defend himself against charges of exploitation of the vulnerable. "I'm just giving the fans what they want," insisted the bearded auteur to journalists this morning. "We believe this new media format will be a shot in the arm for the film industry, and bring a whole new sense of reality to the Star Wars experience. If I can inject a little sparkle to the fans' drab lives, is that such a bad thing?"
"Anyway, this wasn't our original plan," he explained. "We were initially planning to release all the films in 3D, but that went out of the window when we noticed that the Phantom Menace only had one dimension to start with."