Widely regarded as Kim Jong Ill’s successor, Kim Jong Un has prompted a crisis on the Korean peninsula by announcing that he plans to take a gap year at a pivotal time for the Communist dictatorship.
Following an expensive education in Switzerland, the reclusive heir is said to have told his father over dinner that presiding over a brutal regime in which Marxist doctrine is enforced to the letter was some ‘heavy shit’ and that, with his father’s blessing, he planned to ‘chill for a bit’ .
Current leader, Kim Jong Ill, already suffering from ill health and haemorrhoids the size of rusty water melons, claims the news came as a shock to rival the one he received on his surprise re-election last year, during which he repeatedly told state media that ‘they were only exit polls’ and that ‘if politics has taught me one thing, it is that you cannot second guess the electorate but on the whole feedback from those canvassing on the nation’s doorsteps has been universally positive.’
Jong Un, meanwhile, insists that his final year at Uni was 'mega-stressful' and that a year spent bumming around Europe and the Far East would help him 'find himself' leaving him fully focussed on the systematic subjugation of an entire people and the nuclear annihilation of the US whoremonger puppets to the south .
Party Official, Kim Jong Wow, said: ‘Rather than spend a year massaging official tractor production statistics, he’s been banging on about how he’d like to go inter-railing on an open return ticket with a few mates and that they’re hoping to take in a few festivals – Reading, The Big Chill, Glasto’ – yes, he even to refers to it as that.’
‘He plans to fund it all by busking. ‘
A rift is said to have opened up between Kim Jong Un and his father after the Dear Leader revealed that his son’s official title was to be ‘The Fantastic Leader’ – a clear sign to the West that regime is fast running out of superlatives following the imposition of sanctions. Jong Un is said to be ‘pissed’ at the moniker, especially after his own choice of ‘The Groovy Leader’ was vetoed by the Central Committee for Naming Stuff . A nameless source claims he overheard a rown in which Jong Un bellow "And you know something else - it might be nice to be called something other than Kim for a change. What's wrong with Clive for f's sake? "
And earlier this year, the young pretender was grounded when instead of overseeing the execution of several dissidents, he was discovered in his basement by party officials ‘laying down a few tracks’ with pals.
‘Citing “Rage Against The Machine” as one of your influences is not big or particularly clever,’ said a party spokesman, ‘though he is welcome to rage as much as he likes in one of our state of the art re-education centres.’