Controversy surrounding the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy adopted by the US Military took an inevitable turn this week when a group of US Marines threatened to quit the force following allegations that an openly gay soldier recently posted to their division had not been trying to catch them naked in the shower.
Several marines were left confused when infantryman Grant Ramirez, a soldier recovering from injuries received while on foot patrol in Afghanistan, admitted he had no interest in spying on them as they showered or indeed at any other time and had in fact spent most evenings writing to his partner.
The marines had become suspicious of Ramirez’s lack of interest in them when they discovered the photo of an elderly, white haired gentleman kept by Ramirez in his wallet was not a family member but that of his long term partner George. Several marines refused to speak to Ramirez after he admitted he was not interested in having a physical relationship with any of them but was actually missing the family life he shared with his Vietnam veteran back home in Kansas.
Greg explained to the marines he had far more important concerns than their testosterone fuelled egos having learned his partner had been hospitalised following a fall from his wheelchair. Doctors at the hospital had informed Greg his partner may need further surgery to the leg wounds sustained while on active service for his country out in Vietnam back in ’68. Greg knew his partner still had flashbacks to the 2 years spent as a Vietcong prisoner of war and was worried how this latest setback might affect his state of mind.
The marines had become confused when Greg explained that being gay did not automatically mean you wanted to have sex with every asshole you saw taking a shower, although he did make it quite clear the same basic rules did not necessarily apply to those guys coming out of Boston.
Most of the marines had struggled with Greg’s explanation that when it came to choosing a lover or sex partner, gay men have exactly the same behavioural patterns or criteria as they themselves did and although this did not raise the bar very high, it was nevertheless the way things stood in real life.
Ramirez knew the reaction was typical of the ill educated and outdated institution that passes for the US military. Since his return to the USA he had become disillusioned with the attitude shown by colleagues he had fought side by side with in Iraq. With the US military still unable to work out the difference between sex and sexuality, Greg was not holding out too much hope of saving his 15 year career following the lack of sex allegations.
One Republican senator argued that having to serve alongside openly gay soldiers, knowing full well they didn’t have any sexual attraction towards you would be a terrible blow for troop morale.
‘These guys spend their lives working out, use all the right hair products and wear extremely tight fitting battle fatigues both on and off duty just like any other gay guy. Imagine what it must be like, knowing your buddy is looking out for snipers instead of checking out your ass every day.
If this sort of situation is allowed to develop any further we will have troops resigning their commission’.
Many marines admitted they had no idea gay men and women had the same feelings of love, happiness and devotion towards their partners and would in future just stick to hating the Dallas Cowboys, Democrats and Jews.
‘If you promise to stop asking me, I promise I won’t tell’ Ramirez was heard to tell one marine
Dedicated to all the fuckwits who continue to post the same old limp wristed lazy smut and innuendo. For fucks sake drag your knuckles into the 21st century, some of your best friends and family are gay or didn’t you realise it. You never know, one of those Ryan Air stewards might just save your life one day....or it might be the doctor, or rescue services, or a surgeon.
No – I was wrong, there you are with the engines on fire and the plane hurtling towards the ocean waves, cabin crew trying to give you last second instructions that might make the difference between life and death but instead you turn to Frankie Boyle and beg him to tell you one last gay gag before you go under.
(geddit ‘go under’ nudge nudge)