Israel's PM Benjamin Netanyahu has urged the Palestinians to continue peace talks despite an end to Israel's ban on West Bank settlement-building, and Israel's recent decision to kick Palestine in the bollocks on a daily basis.
In a statement moments after the end of the 10-month partial freeze in illegal settlement-building and bollock-kicking, he urged Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas to continue seeking a "historic" deal, even in the face of severe punishment in the testicular region.
A spokesman for Mr Abbas confessed that the Palestinian leader was "gloomy" about Israel's position, saying "We will of course not make any decision before consulting our Arab colleagues, but we have to say that if we accept these conditions and return to the negotiating table, it will send the unfortunate message to our people that we are happy to lie down, accept encroachment on our territory and, let's be honest, get kicked in the bollocks."
Settler groups in the occupied West Bank were celebrating the end of the moratorium well
before the bollock kicking officially restarted, and some even enjoyed a few tentative swings at the Palestinians' fleshy underparts before the official resumption. Local news services reported a festival atmosphere, with a countdown timer ticking down the seconds next to an unhappily bent over Palestinian representative.
US president Barack Obama has spoken of his "strong preference" for Israel to stop kicking Palestine in the bollocks, in accordance with frequent UN resolutions. The International Court of Justice holds that Israel's encroachment onto the Palestinian gonads is in violation of international law and all rules of gentlemanly conduct, though Israel disputes this.
"We're realists - we're not asking for the moon," explained an Israeli spokesman. "If we want anything from these peace talks, we're going to have to go for the low-hanging fruit."