A postman from Cornwall has spoken from prison about his shame concerning his police mugshot. Michael Williams has just begun and 8 year sentence for inciting sexual activity, grooming and distributing indecent images but says he's also beginning a life sentence of shame over his barnet.
Ironically, he groomed 100s of teenagers but neglected to groom his own head. It left officers and hairdresses 'deeply concerned'.
"I'm morphing into the Flock of Seagulls frontman," said the shame-faced pervert.
As well as being ordered to sign the sex offenders register for life he's also been given the number of a good stylist. His human rights are at risk by looking like a total tosser. Even kiddy fiddlers have the right to be well groomed.
Williams admitted 27 paedophile charges and asked for four other hairstyles to be taken into consideration.
Devon and Cornwall Police said they had identified about 500 victims but the actual total could be nearer 1,000 and many have copied his styles. Det Insp Simon Snell, of Devon and Cornwall Police, said Williams' victims had been brave to come forward
"No wonder they wear hoodies," said a police spokesman.
Police believe that looking 'like a wanker' had helped him seem like a normal teenager and he was easily accepted as being one of them. Williams' influence has spread far and wide. Police and child safety experts are alarmed at the amount of pictures on Facebook, Bebo and MSN that depict teenagers as scruffy, ridiculously coiffed turd-brains.
One former child protection police officer says that adults have to learn to talk to children about their styles and daily grooming programmes. Det Insp Simon Snell said Williams' victims look like 'sheer hell'.
He said: 'Laughable' and 'ridiculous' are probably the words I would use to describe some of their styles.
Police have ruled him out as being the infamous 'Lettuce Head' e-fit suspect but have nicknamed Williams as 'Letters Head' on account of his job.