In an attempt to curb this inconsiderate and generally selfish abuse of tax payers money the NHS are to implement a new country wide policy aimed at achieving better utilisation of services and also saving money on unnecessary ambulance dispatch.
Health Secretary, Simon Burns MP was adamant that something had to be done "on average there are in excess of 231,000 heart attacks / strokes every year, which means that over 77,000 ambulances are being dispatched unnecessarily if 1 in 3 dies before they get to hospital!" he went on to add "The general public need to be more considerate and either try to have these attacks within walking distance of a hospital or ascertain if they are going to die before they call an ambulance!"
Labour are furious with these proposed cuts, in-coming Shadow Secretary for Health, Ed Balls fumed "People who suffer from heart disease have often been significant contributors to the public purse throughout their lives, obesity, smoking or alcohol related heart disease doesn't come cheap and often requires a life time of consumption to achieve" "Surely a man who has drunk, smoked or eaten excessively for 55yrs paying VAT throughout deserves a last swan song with all sirens blaring..?"
