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1. 

   SteveB
   

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   Crewe is Cheshire's sexistiest town.

   [On the next page without the Warrington & Widnes pics right above, this just looks like a bloody statement now]

   Posted 7 months ago #

2. 

   Gerontius
   

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   TBF
   It's a pretty low bar
   At least it wasn't Knutsford
   Probably find Dairylea is Cheshire's favourite cheese

   Posted 7 months ago #

3. 

   Terry Bunn
   

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   Thank goodness healthy outdoor exercise hasn't stopped during the pandemic

   https://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/18583898.man-seen-performing-sex-act-bench-totton-park/

   Posted 7 months ago #

4. 

   LittleSpender
   

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   If anyone needs a plausible excuse...

   https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/parts-somerset-smell-like-semen-3216418

   Posted 7 months ago #

5. 

   deceangli
   

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   I was too slow to take a snapshot, but on the Warrington Guardian online edition the top item was "Warrington takes 2nd place in 'most civilised night out' poll" directly above "Naked woman arrested in fish and chip shop"

   Posted 7 months ago #

6. 

   sydalg
   

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   If anyone needs a plausible excuse...

   https://www.somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-news/parts-somerset-smell-like-semen-3216418

   Dirty bugger's been jizzing all over Somerset, then writes an article blaming it on the chestnut tree.

   Posted 7 months ago #

7. 

   Al OPecia
   

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   The Horse Spaffnut Tree?

   Posted 7 months ago #

8. 

   Sinnick
   

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   dec, I think there were only 2 contestants

   Posted 7 months ago #

9. 

   Filthy Rich
   

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   We're still basking in the sticky glory of this accolade: It's a dogger's life

   Posted 7 months ago #

10. 

    Newsdesk
    

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    I never knew that semen had a smell. Have I been missing something?

    What does it smell like? Please don't tell me that it smells like a chestnut tree because I can't smell those, either.

    Also, does this mean that Orwell's Chestnut Tree cafe had sexual implications?

    Posted 7 months ago #

11. 

    LittleSpender
    

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    The Horse Spaffnut Tree?

    Spunky Puzzle?

    Posted 7 months ago #

12. 

    SteveB
    

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    I never knew that semen had a smell. Have I been missing something?
    What does it smell like?

    It smells of the forlorn loss of a Rees-Mogg weeping into his stargazy pie.

    Guns and winks to LittleSpender and Deceangli for two double-tap local headlines which totally slayed me.

    Posted 7 months ago #

13. 

    Newsdesk
    

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    Do we need people like this?

    How much does it cost to scrape a corpse off the rocks, send it to a mortuary and reach a verdict of death by misadventure? It's a bargain for the taxpayers, surely.

    On the bright side, at least the stupid cow is keeping social distancing (she was photographed almost five miles from where I live).

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-54049513

    Posted 5 months ago #

14. 

    deceangli
    

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    On the bright side, at least the stupid cow is keeping social distancing (she was photographed almost five miles from where I live).

    I'm not completely sure you've grasped the meaning of social distancing, Newsdesk. It isn't all measured from you . . .

    Posted 5 months ago #

15. 

    Sir Lupus
    

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    If her friend was filming in video mode, she'd get some great footage if it all collapsed. Got to be worth some cash from You've Been Framed.

    Posted 5 months ago #

16. 

    SteveB
    

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    That sort of thing would never happen in Surrey.

    https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/drunk-man-arrested-rubbing-genitals-19125668

    Yes, yes it is worth clicking the link and accepting ridiculous cookies for the full story.

    Posted 4 months ago #

17. 

    Myke
    

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    please kill me
    https://www.somersetcountygazette.co.uk/news/18804423.tarmac-british-isles-somersets-answer-morning-weather-map/

    Posted 4 months ago #

18. 

    SteveB
    

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    If they hadn't gone to the trouble of highlighting what the British Isles looks like in several different ways, then the Rees-Mogg family couldn't have stood up, saluted it, and then ensured their taxable income was not accountable on an island of similar shape.

    Posted 4 months ago #

19. 

    Sinnick
    

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    The following story is even more worrying - semi-naked bar staff: I don't mean topless

    Posted 4 months ago #

20. 

    Iscariot
    

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    Essex. Where else? 3 Adolescents rescued from tumble drier. Not quite in the top echelon for attempting a Darwin Award for removing yourself from the gene pool, as they used a mobile phone to summon help. Such a shame they managed to get a phone signal from said tumble dryer, or they would have been awarded a Darwin Gold for utter stupidity!

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-54760265

    Posted 4 months ago #

21. 

    Sinnick
    

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    Warrington Guardian currently displays an ad titled:

    "Bowels: a simple trick to empty them completely"

    .. with a picture of the result. Not sure if that's better or worse than the ubiquitous pic of fresh ear-wax

    Unfortunately, copying the "sponsored link" doesn't show the same

    Posted 4 months ago #

22. 

    Doctor Chutney
    

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    If you're in Bracknell and fancy taking your jacket in for a cleaning dip in fish oil

    Fish and chip shop to replace dry cleaners

    Posted 3 months ago #

23. 

    sydalg
    

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    You missed the best part of that article, where it has a link to another story just over a picture of fish and chips: Bracknell residents outraged as man keeps pooing on Birch Hill.

    Posted 3 months ago #

24. 

    Doctor Chutney
    

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    Bracknell, the plaice that keeps on giving.

    Posted 3 months ago #

25. 

    Walter Eagle
    

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    Or what about the side-link on that same page (that leads the unwary clickbait addict to the page they're already viewing) that reads "New 'professional' fish and chips shop could be on its way to Bracknell"
    I don't know which is more worrying. The fact that you'd ever describe a fish and chips shop as professional, as if all the others were simply hobbyists, or the fact that you then put professional inside inverted commas as if you didn't really mean professional.

    Posted 3 months ago #

26. 

    Gerontius
    

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    You can get 'professional' shampoo and toothpaste these days.
    I do use some of this stuff but I'm always worried that someone will find out that I'm not actually a 'professional'.....
    Could I get into trouble?
    Do I need qualifications to use their toothpaste?

    Posted 3 months ago #

27. 

    SteveB
    

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    The law is very clear on this, Gerontius. As long as you use barrels of taxpayer money to pay Deloitte to administer all tooth and hair cleaning activity, then that's as professionally as you can get.

    Posted 3 months ago #

28. 

    

    oshaughnessy
    

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    I'm a bit worried how the Chinese takeaway will react to sharing its shopping precinct territory with a decadent western chip shop.

    Posted 3 months ago #

29. 

    Sinnick
    

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    This begs a consideration of who "professional ladies" are

    Does this mean that Kate Hoey, Nicky Morgan, Tessa Jowell & Christine Blower have income that should be declared to the HoL ?

    And who would prefer "amateur ladies", ie those who don't charge ?

    It's all very confusing

    Posted 3 months ago #

30. 

    Sir Lupus
    

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    I never pay my toothpaste. Maybe that's why I've got fillings - I've been using amateur toothpaste.

    Posted 3 months ago #

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