It will, eventually, all be the fault of Reform
The labour party has been so busy blaming the nasty wicked evil Tories for everything it hasn't been able to fix, that it hasn't noticed that the Tories are no longer any kind of electoral threat. 'Perhaps we need to accept that the rotten, wretched Reform party is a greater threat' said a spokessomethingorother-close-to-the-Labour party. 'And realise that if we lose to them in the next election, we might have to put up with them for a while. But we will then have to decide
Budget 2025: Your questions answered
Q: I'm hearing a lot about "fiscal drag" in this budget. Will Ru Paul be presenting it? (Cecil from Penge) A: Naturally. Q: This tax hike on betting is diabolical, isn't it? (Gary from Aintree) A: We agree, raising the tax rate on sports betting from 15% to 25% means that when you chuck all your money away, you won't be enriching the deserving bookie so much. You'll be wasting a quarter of your dosh on funding schools and hospitals. Q: My budget is moulting, and it won't play
A budget powered by revenge
A close associate of the Chancellor, Rachel Reeves, has revealed the underlying logic behind the November budget, which increases the tax take by £26billion. ‘It’s all about revenge,’ said the source. ‘The Tories handed the government a massive black hole, unfunded commitments, and an economy in really bad shape. As far as Rachel is concerned, it’s payback time.’ ‘She’s working on the basis that Labour will lose the next election. Probably to Reform or some other populist nat
Tickets go on sale for White House Christmas Rant-omime
The White House's box office was deluged by absolutely no one as tickets went on sale for the Trump Yuletide Rant-omime. "It stars the president acting as himself, speaking incessantly out of the back end of a pantomime horse," explained White House ugly sister Karoline Leavitt. "The play opens with the humble heroine reading one of his Truth Social rants: 'Too bad failing Cinderella can't come to the White House Ballroom. Dresses in rags. No class. Complete loser.' "But as p
Prince Andrew Way renamed Barely Legal Cul-de-sac
Residents have demanded the Andrew formerly known as Prince, remove his non-sweaty paws from their street name. They would rather be called Snatch Alley or Grabwell Road, than associate with Handsy Andy. Duke of York pubs plan to rebrand, after the rumour of ten thousand men being assaulted by Andrew. Even Andrew Tate is changing his first name, so not to be mistaken for a different sex pest. No roads will be linked to the ex-Prince, but a few buildings will keep their ties -
Marbles handed in to White House lost property
A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu
Concerns for passengers as operators announce trains will be freezing next year
Operating companies have announced that next year trains will be freezing. As an industry expert former Tory government minister for transport, Chris Grayling, was asked what he thought of the news as he left the House of Lords. 'Well, I'm not surprised. It's often suggested operators' carriages are cold and draughty at the best of times, but believe me we've not seen anything yet. Because as the government has decided the industry can't increase fares in 2026, then clearly t
MPs Monopoly Club banned from House of Commons
The cross-party House of Commons Monopoly Club, notorious for its disruptive behaviour, is in trouble with the House Authorities. After a series of raucous disputes, violent incidents and conduct unbecoming, the Club has been banned from meeting in the House. An insider told us that Monopoly Club members were always arguing about the rules, often dividing along party lines. Tory players were strongly in favour of other players going directly to jail, but felt that they should
Marbles handed in to White House lost property
A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu
No. 10 denies Truss was appointed SPAD in the Treasury Dept.
With the many vacillations regarding recent backpedalling involving previously leaked Treasury Department policies and plans, No.10 has been forced into making a strong rebuttal Liz Truss was brought in as a SPAD with a specific brief to advise on the upcoming Budget. A Labour Party spokesperson said, 'Look, we understand these rumours, albeit Ms. Truss's methods were perhaps considerably better conceived than Rachel's, nevertheless, the Chancellor wishes to state categorical
