Following the publication of further recommendations from the government's top drugs advisors, lower ranking advisors are said to be 'in a proper huff' that their own carefully planned advice has been overlooked 'yet again'.
Clive Hunnersley, a former schoolteacher and now a just-below-middle-tier government advisor, says that the current coalition is 'as blinkered as the last lot' in their reliance on their top advisors. 'It's always 'Professor this' or 'Doctor that' who end up in the limelight,' said Hunnersley. 'I spend bloody ages writing up my submission papers in my neatest handwriting -- in ink mind you! -- but they've been completely ignored.'
'The government have gone and published something from their head-honcho Professor la-di-dah Iverson again,' he bemoaned. 'I mean, for God's sake, do you actually know of anyone who looks like they take anabolic steroids, let alone orders them from dodgy foreign websites? I know I bloody well don't, it chaffs my ass, it really does.'
Hunnersley claims that his own radical new ideas could revolutionise the drugs culture of the UK. 'I've got loads of great ideas,' he said, 'like reducing how attractive Ecstasy appears to clubbers by popularising it with the over-50s. The knock-on effect of pushing drugs onto this group of divorcee has-beens will dramatically lower expenditure on anti-depressant medication and alcohol-related illnesses for the NHS. Plus, of course, the much higher fitness levels inherent with spending hours bouncing off the walls will save the health service billions!'
It seems that not all of Hunnersley's work has been ignored, however, amid claims that one of his papers has been heavily plagiarised. 'The sale of recreational drugs from supermarkets is another one of mine from years back,' he sneered, 'but no-one took me seriously until Tesco started selling so-called 'hard drugs' over the counter - today Viagra, tomorrow GHB, mark my words!'