Anti-capitalist Karl Marx has denied any association with far left-wing activist Vince Cable.
Mr Marx is quoted that "My opinions were intended as theoretical and an objective, and I fully realise that pragmatism must be involved in a real situation with historical content. Mr Cable, on the other hand, is implementing a vast range of measures to destroy (rather than control) Universities, banking infrastructure and industry. No doubt he has evil plans to wreck the rest of the education system too, bringing this nation back to the 20th century."
Mr Cable was unavailable for comment, and was runoured to be playing darts against an organisational chart of the government.
[please feel free to build on this - the concept deserves NiB at least]