Labour Party Deputy Leader Tom Watson confirmed today that he no longer suffers from Type 2 Corbynistes, having eliminated refined Marxism from his political diet.
“I had too much ideological weight” said Mr Watson. “I paid lip service to a diet of moderate wealth redistribution, sustainable investment in public services and the occasional treat of keeping a library open, but couldn’t stop binging on nationalised railways, banker bashing and workers seizing the means of production through compulsory share enfranchisement of firms employing more than 250 people. That crap was toxic Cutting it out has put me in the best shape since 1997”.
Marxists, however, were quick to defend the health benefits of their product. “Radical and massively self-defeating wealth redistribution forms part of any left-balanced thought process,” said Dr Owen Jones of the University of Selfi Sant. “Ban it and you’ll have mums shoving Communist Manifestos through the school railings at lunchtime.”
Mr Watson remained adamant that his new regime is for the best. “Last month my fatty liver was turning me yellow” he declared. “If I defect to the Lib Dems it will be by choice, not by medical accident.”
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Tom Watson reverses “Type 2 Corbynistes”
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