Thousands of people have gathered outside a public house in Birmingham this morning hoping to catch a glimpse of Pope Benedict XVI as he takes on the biggest challenge of his four day visit so far when he attempts the beautification of former Pogues front man Shane MacGowan before the towels come off at around 11:30 this morning.
Hellraiser MacGowan, a 20th century singer/songwriter who rose to fame during the 1980’s as the lead singer and talisman for Irish folk rock band The Pogues was considered the most unlikely of rock stars at the time. Not only renowned for his poignant lyrics and confrontational stage presence but was also credited with discovering a cure for severe back pain which involved polishing off a packet of full tar Super Kings washed down with 15 pints of Guinness before falling face down in the gutter before the breakfast bell has even sounded.
But as music journos were quick to point out, Shane is no stranger to religious high office having become a Pope soon after the Pogues disbanded during the 1990’s but did agree making him beautiful was something of a different challenge altogether.
The seemingly impossible task of making Shane even mildly presentable has already defeated the likes of style guru Pradeep Hirani, fashion designer John Galliano and illusionist David Blaine who’s combined efforts eventually came to nothing, leaving Shane’s record company with little choice but to seek divine intervention in one last attempt to smarten up the dishevelled barfly.
‘He (the Pope) may have bitten off more than he can chew this time ‘said former Nipple Erector Shane Bradley ‘admittedly, he has managed a few minor miracles during his four day visit. No question, he did well to convert the entire country to Catholicism overnight, reinstate Tony Blair as a national treasure, managed to convince pedo-sceptics ‘it was the kiddies fault all along’ and reassure the public that kiddie fiddling is not an entirely bad thing but this is definitely one miracle too far.
He should stick to being the father of 1.4 billion people around the world and not get involved in such crazy missions. If Shane wants to put his head in a food mixer rather than get his hair styled, then that's what he'll do'.
The six street cleaners suspected of hatching a terrorist plot against the Pope have been released from custody and are to be charged with the task of clearing away the mountain of empty beer bottles and spent fag packets that will inevitably be left by Shane as he makes his way home.
Pope to beautify former Pogues frontman
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Thousands of people have gathered outside a public house in Birmingham this morning hoping to catch a glimpse of Pope Benedict XVI as he takes on the biggest challenge of his four day visit so far when he attempts the beautification of former Pogues front man Shane MacGowan before the towels come off at around 11:30 this morning.Posted 6 years ago #
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