The trident nuclear deterrent will be replaced with fudge, following a decision yesterday. The continuous at sea deterrent will be converted to launch the new confectionery-based missiles in the event of a strike against the UK. The sugar and butter mixture can be launched 'within 45 minutes', according to a government dossier on the subject.
Other sweets were considered, but although brittle toffee gives excellent armour-piercing qualities, the ability to destroy a large city under a blob of sticky fudge was seen as the most effective way to scare off nations intent on attacking Britain with desserts, pastries and other sugary weapons.