Pope Benedict revealed today that becoming the Pope has gone a long way to satisfing a secret desire to becoming the rock star that he always wanted to be. ' From a very young age all I wanted to do was to gyrate my hips like Elvis or strut my funky stuff like James Brown' explained the Holy Father of Rome ' because of my strict religious upbringing I was never allowed to express my real love of rock and roll and it was also frowned upon to break into a chim cham chally while goose stepping during parade for the Hitler Youth'.
The only evidence that's been seen so far to betray the Pope's secret love of rock and roll was some curious knee shaking coming from underneath his holy cassock during an open mass at the Basilica of St. John Lateran two years ago. This was due to a loud burst of Bill Haleys rock around the clock being blasted over the walls of the Vatican by a tribute band doing an outdoor concert.'Yes I remember that well. I got so carried away that I almost got my Gradual and epislite the wrong way round during my mass'.
Now that the Pope has made this surprise announcement it's expected that he will joyfully show off his long suppressed talents for audiences to see during his Papal visit to this country.
The stage is set and Pope Benedict is set to leap on stage in his usual favourite pallium vestment before ripping it off to reveal a Elvis Presley jumper suit cut low enough to show off his greying chest hairs before performing a rousing rendition of blue suede shoes. ' Yes watch out you daddio's. Big bad bopping and popping Pope Benedict is in town and i'm going to rock you' jived the Head of the Roman Catholic Church ' you aint seen nothing yet cool cats and i'm going to be dining at the cafe of rock for the first time and boy am I going to enjoy it'.
The only downside for Pope Benedict is his expected support act George Michael having to pull out due to reasons well known. When it was explained to the Pope he was heard to have said ' he's done what you say' quickly followed by ' and you say he's one of those' finished by ' well at least we've got Elton John as back up'.