Dave Headworth, a 27 year old account manager from Nantwich is a man with a problem. He has fallen hopelessly in love with the voice of the self service checkout at his local Tesco superstore.
Dave explains how the romance began. ‘I’d been working late and had just popped into the store to get something for my supper and used the self service checkout to dodge the queues. I wasn’t taking much notice until a sultry voice said ‘Do you have a clubcard?’ and my pulse starting racing immediately. I knew straightaway she was the one for me.’
After their first encounter, Dave went back to the Tesco’s every evening. ‘At first, I thought all the self service checkouts had the same voice, but after a while I realised that No.3’s voice was sexier and had more personality. Since then I’ve always been faithful to No. 3. ’
Dave admits that conversation is limited but puts that down to No.3’s shyness. ‘She does have a great sense of humour,’ he said. ‘Sometimes I tease here and remove my shopping too early. Quick as a flash she retorts by saying hilarious like ‘Item has been removed from the bagging area’. Well, actually, that’s what she always says. But it’s still very funny.’
Dave’s problem is how to take the romance to the next stage. ‘No. 3 has been non committal when it comes to developing our relationship and she has not agreed to come out with me yet.’ However he remains optimistic. ‘I think it is only a matter of time, I bought a packet of condoms yesterday evening and she didn’t raise any objections. She’s a wonderful lady and I do so want to put an unexpected item in her bagging area.’
Dismissing the store manager’s loudly voiced opinion that he was a ‘sad tosser’ as ‘jealously’, Dave said that he wasn’t a pathetic loser and had affairs with girls before. ‘I was once engaged to the office’s voicemail system,’ he recalled, ‘but she cut us off.’