The government has announced plans to add deadly cyborgs to the arsenal it has been building to fight the social evil of claiming benefits. It was Labour who first instituted the secretive program to build hunter-killer cyborgs for use by the Department of Work and Pensions. However Labour are at pains to point out that they intended the 'Mobile Benefits Losses Recovery Units' as they are formally known, or 'Chavborgs' as everyone actually calls them, to be used only against benefit cheats, not against all benefit claimants.
"We took the next logical step," said The Right Honorable Iain Duncan Smith, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions. "The problem with benefits claimants is that they just don't have enough get-up-and-go. There's nothing to make you get up and go like being relentlessly hunted down by a cyborg with a deadly microwave weapon for a hand. Most of these people will be off benefits within a month."
But David Gerson, an Incapacity Benefit claimant from Wooton, objects to the name 'Chavborg'. "It is only being used because it makes the whole idea seem acceptable," he said. "Everyone hates poor people so a robot – sorry, human-robot hybrid – that kills poor people seems like a great idea. Some of us benefits claimants are nice and middle class and we don't much fancy being hunted down and killed thank you very much."
The government has responded to the concerns of others on Incapacity Benefit by stating that the cyborgs tasked with hunting claimants in wheelchairs or with other mobility impairments will be deliberately hobbled in their programming to run at only 70% capacity, thus giving their prey a 'fighting chance'.
Some have questioned why the government has not programmed the cyborgs to hunt down tax-evaders - who cost the government more money than benefits cheats - instead. A government spokesman responded to the question with a snigger.
"Maybe Yuppieborg just isn't as snappy," suggested one commentator. "Branding is everything these days."