Football’s world governing body is to investigate allegations that a ‘fake’ England team played a World Cup match earlier this year.
Following England’s 4-1 defeat to bitter rivals, Germany, the German coach was heard to remark, ‘I am happy with the win but I was surprised by the poor quality of the England team. It was almost as if they had never met each other before.’
The match took place as part of the World Cup in South Africa. Officials from the English Football Association (FA) confirmed that the England team were due to play in the tournament, but had simply never turned up. They have now asked FIFA to investigate.
FA Chairman, Roger Burden, said the match had taken place under all the usual official procedures and through a manager they had known for several years. He explained, ‘Everything seemed to be in order until several minutes into the game, when everyone started wondering about these players and the England team. It started to look as though the players we had picked, who had won numerous competitions in England and in Europe, were in fact frauds.’
Mr Burden went on to reject reports that the team had been organised by a ‘fake’ manager, saying that the manager in question had always been ‘100% alright’ and was now co-operating with newspapers’ investigations.
Minister for Sport, Hugh Robertson MP, pledged, ‘We will conduct investigations to uncover all those involved in this case.’ It is believed however that Mr Robertson’s pursuit of justice may be thwarted by a wave of super-injunctions brought by senior members of the England team.
Meanwhile, Joachim Low, the victorious German manager, said, ‘This was a wasted opportunity for us to get some practice in before we faced the strong teams in the competition. England was simply not good enough to give us a decent run-out. Basically, the English are to blame for us not winning the World Cup.’ However, this crumb of comfort has not been enough to appease angry England fans.
Thankfully, though, the incident has not yet been repeated. Normal service has since been resumed, with a wave of euphoria sweeping the nation as England thrashed two smaller, weaker countries in Euro 2012 qualifying, leading to confident predictions that the team will be victorious in the tournament in two years time.