In a tightening of Health and Safety regulations, the thrill-seeking days of Virgin, Red Letter and the like are all but over
The very popular swimming with dolphins failed the HSE guidance test through "grosss negligence, allowing humans within 5 metres of a very long row of sharp pointy teeth" and is now offered as Swimming with Mackerel.
The Hot Air Balloon experience has been tamed to the Helium Balloon Experience but the adventurer must always hold tightly to the string lest it blows away. Breathing in the helium at any time is now outlawed.
Tank driving is replaced with the Empty Water Tank experience where participants are allowed to bang on the sides of the tank, but not too hard.
All white water experiences have been replaced by the under 5's log flume at Drayton Manor and the Ray Mears survival course has been changed to a "Lying in bed and getting a warm (but not hot) cup of tea from your mum" morning
An HSE spokesman admits job losses are inevitable but "with the skills and education these people have they wont have any trouble joining the Army and being shipped to Afghanistan"