Jubilation erupted on the streets of New Zealand today after World View Incorporated announced that the plan to build a Super City suspended from the moon had been given initial Resource Consent approval.
The ambitious plan was outlined today by Mr Shaun O’Boyle who heads the Consortium which he asserts will ‘bring in millions of dollars to the hard hit NZ Tourism Industry that has suffered greatly due to the recent earthquake which left none dead and be a great source of pride to New Zealanders who will at last be able to look down on their much overpublicised Australian neighbours’.
Mr O’Boyle suggested that the future may cause Outback Australian farmers more reason to search the skies than usual however as he went on to say that ‘initial International Concerns about safety and sewerage disposal were quickly put aside when it was revealed that the estimated 3 kilograms of urine and faeces produced per day per person would be safely ejected above the Australian Outback meaning that the arid land would benefit from the rich nutrients and would reduce the chances of striking populations to one in 4 million.’
Construction will begin immediately, according to Mr O’Boyle, of the Cable Deployment Rocket which has been dubbed Black Sheep 1 (the shuttle will be painted in the traditional black colour of its Americas Cup boats and All Black’s Rugby jerseys) and will carry three New Zealand Astronauts who will be wearing woollen singlet vests and jandals (local vernacular for flip-flops), drilling equipment and a large coil of nylon fishing line measuring 800,000 kilometres in length (approximately 497,100 miles), which is equivalent to twice the average distance to the surface of the moon. Upon launch one end of the nylon fishing line will be firmly attached to a connection point in Antarctica close to the New Zealand run Scott Base and stretched across the Southern Ocean to the nose of Black Sheep 1 which houses the line deployment equipment.
Once in space the ship will continue onwards to the moon deploying the line as it goes across the depths of space. The journey to the moon is expected to take approximately 4 days, 16 hours and 24 minutes and will be powered by the ships solid fuel booster rockets for the initial impulse and then will rely solely on fine adjustments to the ships course using bursts of thrusters mounted on the side of the vehicle.
Upon arrival on the lunar surface, two members of the crew will exit via a hatch and, after placing a New Zealand flag in the surface and doing the traditional Haka (An indigenous Maori War Dance or challenge), will drill deep into the moon’s surface and attach a pole with a pulley mounted on the top.
‘All going to plan the astronauts will then return to earth again trailing the line and land upon the ice of Antarctica where the two ends of the cable will be joined. From this it is an remarkably straight forward task of attaching heavier strings, steel cables and eventually a large, stretchy bungee cord, in succession and pulling those up with the fishing line, through the pulley and back to the Earth’s Surface,’ said Mr O’Boyle.
‘Once the final bungee cord is in place the “All-the-Sky-City” platform will be attached, most of New Zealand’s population of 4 million people will board and winches will pull the entire platform up to its position within the earth’s atmosphere but at a height miles above the Earth’s surface. This will allow for residents and visitors to gaze down upon the Earth as it revolves beneath the platform and to wake up each day with a different continent and country beneath their very feet.’
Deep concerns have been expressed however by Vladimir Putin who is ‘worried that the Platform could be used for military purposes and would detract from it’s Nuclear Deterrent’. The tension between these two world super-powers has been increasing ever since New Zealand Prime Minister John Key announced the Defence Force’s new ‘Reasonably -Smart Sheep Bomb’ which are able to be ejected from the back of a cargo plan such as the Hercules AC 130 and guided to a target. ‘What will stop the Kiwi’s from launching these woolly bombs from this platform?’Putin asked.
Prime Minister John Key has however attempted to divert attention away from the international fears which he suggests are “Ludicrous” by pointing instead to the Eco-Friendly nature of the plan which uses ‘desiccated Sheep droppings as a lightweight combustible and actually create an incredible amount of thrust compared with traditional liquid fuels when burnt at the correct fuel-air ratio….and will provide enough of a push to shoot straight for the moon rather than having to use Earth’s Gravity pull to slingshot.’
Support for the new endeavour has been overwhelming within a shaken New Zealand though and also by certain “rogue” leaders such as Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Venezuelan head honcho Hugo Chavez and Ex-Alaska Governor Sarah Palin who have each expressed an interest in contributing to the costs.
Prime Minister John Key also remarked that New ZASA (New Zealand Aeronautical and Space Administration) will be working in Conjunction with World View Inc and attempted to allay fears about safety in case of cable failure, bumping into Mt Everest as it went past, the task of the safe release of sewerage and other such concerns by outlining that ‘obviously the bungy cord can stretch and the platform will be moved up and down to clear mountains, etc. The main point that New Zealanders and tourists can be happy about is the fact that suffering from Earthquakes will soon be a thing of the past and that Kiwis will finally be able to fly’