“Freedom of the press is all very well”, claims clerical worker JS, “but as somebody who nobody has ever heard of, I have a right to publicity too. Why should these A-list celebs get photos of their body parts plastered all over the media, when I have worked in local government all my life and never had so much as a mention in Hello Magazine?”
JS (whose real name is too insignificant to mention) is so desperate to avoid the cold glare of mediocrity that she has posted seventeen videos on Who?Tube showing scenes from her daily life: walking the dog, going to the gym, even a long lens shot of her getting ready for bed behind the net curtains of her terraced house in Sutton Coldfield.
“I've tried everything”, she complained. “I have even taken out a court injunction against the paparazzi who consistently ignore me. But every morning when I come out of my house to go to work, there is absolutely nobody camped on the doorstep.”
“I have complained time and time again to BT about the lack of nuisance phone calls, but they say there is nothing I can do except keep my existing number and give it to everyone I meet. I've even put it on my FaceBook page, but I've only got one Friend and that's only because I have the same name as someone he went to school with .”
At a time when the right to publicity is being claimed as a fundamental civil liberty by incognitos worldwide, a spokesman from the Press Council hotly defended the right to keep uninteresting individuals out of the public eye. “Nothing beats a good scandal”, he pronounced, “and it's cheaper too.”