In an abrupt news conference this week, Mark Gates, senior executive at the FSA, said they will recall nearly every type of curry in the UK, including meal-for-ones, homemade, restaurant, and curry-in-a-packet.
"I know this may interrupt the meals of many Asian families, and disrupt several friday nights, but security and health is paramount to a better Britian." He went on to say that any restaurant curry, including those from the 19,000 Middle eastern, Indian, Pakistani, and Bangladeshi curry outlets in England, that is of a mild to medium spicyness are included in the recall. He also said that homemade curries, and entire shelves of supermarket curry ready meals are affected.
"We are not doing this to inconvene many hundreds of thousands of eaters. We are not doing this because the FSA want to hog all the curry and whatever," Mr. Gates continued.
When asked why the curries were being recalled, Gates looked hesitant. "Well..er... all curries have the... uhhh... spices!" he shouted. "Several of the spices used in curries are tainted. I know some of them are used in other foods, but don't worry, they aren't affected. The spices, only react with... the, uhhh.... ghee! The special butter used in curries. Yeah."
According to the FSA website, all curries need to be supplied in a plastic Tupperware bowl along with "some chappatis, and a portion of boiled rice, plus a fork."
Sources on the inside say that the chappatis and rice are to cross-reference the curry with special FSA machinery, that can only be activated with forks.
"Not because we wanna eat it or anything," said a rather plump machine operator.