Ten Times(?) a Virgin
She said, “At last, now don’t be fast
I’m only still a virgin!”
He said, “I’m shocked, and fully cocked
I thought you’d do the urgin’!”
“Oh no,” she said, “Although to bed
I’ve been with many men
They all have failed to have me nailed
But husbands I’ve had ten!”
“How can this be?” He said, “You see…
I thought you had some knowledge!”
“I have indeed,” she said, “but need
More than you get in college!”
“I’ll do my best!” he then confessed
“But what about these others?”
“They did not score, and even more
Were like a band of brothers.”
“My first was Hal, worked at the Mall
He sold those mobile phones
Al-ways engaged whenever paged
With stupid ringing tones.”
“The next was Jake and quite a ‘rake’
He sold old motor wrecks
But couldn’t park when it was dark
So never managed sex?”
“And then my third was just a nerd
Who sold me A computer
Which he then crashed, my hopes were dashed
Turned out that he was neuter!”
“My Engineer was fond of beer
And liked to chart and draft
His ‘Planned Design’ may sound quite fine
At practice he was daft.”
“My analyst stayed in a twist
And talked of sex for ages
But never knew just how to screw
However scribbled pages.”
“My pilot friend I thought would end
My consummation duck
His joystick whirred, but missed my bird
I was right out of luck.”
“My next hot charmer was a farmer
I thought he’d end my drought
He ploughed and tilled but never filled,
Me - with stuff to sprout.”
“My number nine I thought was fine
A Quantity Surveyor
He estimated… masturbated
Then went off with the Mayor!”
“I married then my number ten
An advocate from Leeds
But he was bent so off he went
And never served my needs.”
“My stamp collector, now a spectre
Meticulous, and how!
With tongue so little, so much spittle!
Oh God I miss him now.”
“You said you’ll ‘help’ until I yelp
You are from Heaven sent
This time I knew I’d get a screw
You’re from the Government!”