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The NewsBiscuit Exchange

(124 posts) (64 voices)

Started 2 years ago by Arthur
Latest reply from deceangli

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cinquecento

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Collection of Liberal manifestos dating back decades. As new, completely unused.

Posted 2 years ago #
Kevin the Swan

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One box of suspiciously crispy glace fruits with 'enjoy-by' date discretely torn off the label. Probably re-gifted from last Christmas. Bastards.

Posted 2 years ago #
Standards Officer

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IMPROVE YOUR NEWSBISCUIT STAR RATINGS. For free lessons by an expert, contact Box 503.

Posted 2 years ago #
Titus

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Set of five stars, unused, declined by modest NB writer. Box 119114.

Posted 2 years ago #
Titus

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Eleven sets of cricketing whites, worn once. Former wearers now travelling in disguise. Buyer collects, Australia.

Posted 2 years ago #
Titus

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Cabinet, little use but some marks. Box No 10.

Posted 2 years ago #
Marketing Department

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Readers are advised that the views herein are those of individual advertisers and that NewsBiscuit accepts no responsibility for any claims made. Please take appropriate legal advice before accepting stars or anything else from Titus.

Posted 2 years ago #
Tinker Bell

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Set of five stars, unused, still in original packaging, unwanted Christmas present.

Posted 2 years ago #
Economist

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Return half of first-class ticket to Monaco. Ask for Philip Green, Box 404.

Posted 2 years ago #
London Stock Exchange

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Major shareholding in plastic bags factory. Going cheap. Apply to Box 402.

Posted 2 years ago #
Teffort

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Full set steak knives. Used only once with cauliflower. The Vegan Society, Box 899

Posted 2 years ago #
Information Commissioner's Office

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Mis-sold PPI? Don't call us, we'll call you.

Posted 2 years ago #
NHS

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Guaranteed healthy livers for transplant. UK’s leading brand. Contact Mr. SB at NewsBiscuit Box 451.

Posted 2 years ago #
Crayon

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HOLE FOR SHIT - Made of bloated orange-
coloured flesh. Comes with attached synthetic-
fibre mat attached in case of spillage. Box US8

Posted 2 years ago #
Carillion

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Scammer seeks government contracts before going into administration. Box 530 NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Oxbridge

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Ten bags of cement (two part-used), 652 bricks, £50 ONO. Buyer to collect from Carillion site. Will chuck in office in Wolverhampton for free. Box 531 NewsBiscuit

Posted 2 years ago #
NewsBiscuit Shopkeeper

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Surplus John O’Farrell merchandise for sale. Assorted titles. Best wholesale prices. Minimum order 12 dozen. Would exchange for clean copy of The Joy of Sex. Apply Box 400 NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Arthur

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CABINET OFFICE available. Choice of 22. Would exchange for flattering write-up in Private Eye. Send spouse and offspring to Box 204 NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Arthur

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Four Writer of the Month credits available. Would swap for a laugh. Box 403 NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Merchandising Manager

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Writer of the Month One-Star Mugs. £9.95 per dozen. Cash only. Apply Box 404, NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Artista

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Little black dresses with matching undies, slightly stained, dry clean only, choice of sizes, Box 101 NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
Artista

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Sorry, sold out.

Posted 2 years ago #
Bill Gates

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Apple II for sale. Would suit anyone currently using a Windows system. Apply Box 408, NewsBiscuit.

Posted 2 years ago #
John Waddington

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Get Out Of Jail Free card. £200 o.n.o. Would exchange for Park Lane.

Posted 2 years ago #
Jeff Glovsky

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Gently used gelding harness.

Don't ask.

Posted 2 years ago #
Newsdesk

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Shedload of unused first and second-class stamps dating back to 1968, including many special editions. Offers invited in excess of £725,000.

P&P extra.

Apply NewsBiscuit Box 617.

Posted 7 months ago #
JoBo

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500 surgical masks, unused, not now required, maybe, er, lets give it another week or so...

Posted 7 months ago #
thackaray

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Vegan UK History Book, missing entry on Francis Bacon. Box 419, Newsbiscuit

Posted 7 months ago #
oshaughnessy

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Hyphen for sale. Unexpectedly back on the market. Family heirloom. Pristine condition - occasional, around the house use only. All reasonable offers considered. Contact Rebecca at Newsbiscuit, Box 666

Posted 7 months ago #
Walter Eagle

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Love for sale
Appetising young love for sale
Love that's fresh and still unspoiled
Love that's only slightly soiled
Love for sale
Who will buy?
Who would like to sample my supply?
Who's prepared to pay the price,
For a trip to paradise?
Love for sale.

Special two-for-one offer while the urge lasts.

Posted 7 months ago #