Top BBC executives have slammed former Prime Minster Tony Blair as 'not left-wing enough' and 'a bit protestor heavy' amid news that his planned appearance as guest presenter on satirical panel show 'Have I Got News For You' has been cancelled.
Blair has publicly apologised for the 'inconvenience' and 'hassle' he has caused, but stopped short of agreeing with popular opinion that sales of his memoirs should be withdrawn. Instead, he happily informed reporters that it was 'not as if we need to do TV shows to sell loads of copies', before skipping away whilstling 'We're In The Money'.
'Despite our writers teeming with shoes-in-one-basket and egg-custard-on-his-face jokes, Blair's preference for excessively political material, coupled with his heavy anti-government stance, means he falls foul of many of the BBC's tenets regarding bias and balance and so is unsuitable for a show like this, no matter how many times we say 'allegedly',' said producer Jimmy Mulville, 'plus, no-one really likes him much.'
'We'd also heard a rumour that panellist Dara Ó Briain was buying bottled water and eggs by the caseload,' he continued, 'so we decided not to take the risk of having to de-omelette the floor. A mixture like that sets really hard under the studio lighting.'
The show has drafted in a replacement guest-host at short notice and recording the episode will go ahead as planned. 'Thankfully we've managed to secure someone much more popular than Blair, and we're anticipating this Thursday's recording to be far less problematic now that it'll be hosted by Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe,' said a relieved Mulville.