Part-time politicians and full-time religious fanatics, the DUP, have indicated that they will not accept any differences in laws, rules and regulations between Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK, unless it relates to issues they disagree with.
At an awards ceremony earlier today, where they scooped "most ironically named UK political party" for the 27th year in a row, the Democratic Unionist Party reacted with fury at the suggestion that there might actually be a large body of water, known as the Irish Sea, between Ireland and Britain.
"This suggestion is typical of the sort of concessions that are continually given to Sinn Féin/IRA and their compatriots in the EU," said William McWilliams, a senior spokesman for the party. "Not only are the British Government cravenly giving into these demands by allowing there to be a sea between us and Britain, but they are also letting it be called the IRISH sea. It's bad enough when a darkie can marry a member of the Royal Family, but this is just too much."
Despite being directly responsible for a number of key pieces of legislation that ensure that Northern Ireland has different laws, rules and regulations to other parts of the UK, the DUP insist that there is absolutely no distinction to be drawn between the two areas.
"Look, when we say that there should be no difference between us and the UK, we are obviously only talking about the things that we agree with, like keeping out immigrants and being allowed to breach human rights and so on," explained Mr. McWilliams. "However, we obviously want to continue to do our own crazy, fundamentalist thing in relation to some very trifling things like abortion, gay marriage and not putting a cap on a renewable fuel scheme that wastes nearly a billion pounds in public money."