Expansion of Dumbnews' article:
There was widespread shock today after it was revealed that the Catholic Church, an organisation whose authority is derived entirely from a work of fiction, had misled its followers and the general public. The Church, who state that all 1.4 million known species of animal could fit inside a ship twice over, were today shown to have covered up widespread child abuse amongst its clergy. Speaking outside the Vatican, Pope John Paul II eschewed proclaiming condoms help the spread of AIDS and instead adopted a more conciliatory tone “Those among you who believe us when we tell you about talking snakes, the dead rising and a giant invisible man in the sky, will have felt badly let down when you heard that we may have been less than truthful. For that we can only say that we are sorry, never again shall the Catholic Church take advantage of the unquestioning credulity of its followers.” Just prior to retiring to his vast palace containing priceless works of art, the Pope added “And please put more in the collection fund, we’re really short of money”.