When a troupe of professional actors pulled out of doing performance of The Wizard of Oz at Robert E. Lee High School in Vicksburg, Georgia, with only two weeks notice, the perky, can-do senior kids were not dismayed – they vowed to step in and do the show themselves. Unfortunately, the results were dreadful beyond words.
First the shoddily constructed set fell down three times, causing the performance to over-run by two hours. Then dopey jock Troy Wilson, who played the Lion, stumbled over his tail and injured two teachers in the front row, while Jessica Brooks, a sweet girl from the wrong side of the tracks, was a teeth-grindingly abysmal Dorothy.
‘I volunteered because I hoped David Walsh, the handsome quarterback who stepped in as director, would fall for me,’ sobbed Brooks. ‘But he spent the whole show groping his bitchy blonde girlfriend Amanda in the wings and not even looking at the show. I guess I have to accept that ordinary girls like me never will get the hottest guys. Even if we do swallow.’
Parents, who had driven in from all over the county to see the performance, were also mortified to hear the Tin Man, played by computer geek Jason Graham, mutter a racial epithet after the only black cast member, Antwan Jefferson playing the Scarecrow, accidentally charged into him on the Yellow Brick Road. Graham is currently in a stable condition in hospital in Atlanta.
‘The whole thing was just excruciating,’ said school principal Randy Cutler. ‘I’d like to give them full marks for trying but I just can’t. Holy crap, I’d rather have another vasectomy than sit through that again. When will these naïve, bright-eyed kids learn that enthusiasm is no substitute for professionalism and months of rehearsals?’