It was just you. Your internet wasn't working. Did you try to turn it off and on again ?
Don't blame me.
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Newsbiscuit wasn't down
(26 posts) (16 voices)
-
Posted 1 year ago #
-
As you have all undoubtedly noticed, the site has been running slow over the past couple of days. We are gettng a few hits from a random set of IPs. I am blocking them but they re-appear.
This is either:
1) The Russians
2) North Korea
3) The CIA
4) Titus
5) School pupils who have just started their holidaysat this time of year it is likely to be the school pupils playing with the latest available hacking tools which generates a load of requests onto sites like ours. It should settle down at some point. In the meantime I will keep building the wall to keep everyone out of the site.
Posted 1 year ago # -
This is a spam report on one of the IPs attacking us today ... you can see from this page that they have been randomly attacking other sites as well.
They hit us 100,000 times this afternoon. Using the XMLRPC method which we used to get hit with a couple of years ago a lot but less recently.
So the clues:
- Someone who is harking back to old methods because they expect them to be betterI don't need to go further .. its Titus
Posted 1 year ago # -
My mate Mr Putin has ordered me to assure you that it wasn't me, honest, guv. And to say that it wasn't him, either, obvs.
I'm going to sue NB for the damage done to my laptop by me pummelling it with my fists and banging my head on it in frustration, waiting for the site to respond to my usual pre-breakfast 10,000 posts.
Though actually Tech Guy, I'm grateful both for the explanation and all your work in trying to deal with the problem. [Creep crawl grovel. I didn't get where I am today without learning to toady to Our Masters.]
Actually I reckon it was either Daesh, N Korea or your failure to comply with some arcane EU directive sneaked in by those dodgy foreigners from across the channel when you weren't looking. They've never forgiven Henry VIII for defeating the Spanish Armada at Waterloo.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Though actually Tech Guy, I'm grateful both for the explanation and all your work in trying to deal with the problem.
Call that an explanation? It might as well have been in Swahili for the amount of sense it made to me. I reckon there's a worldwide conspiracy by software geeks to screw up our lives and then talk in unfathomable riddles using lots of acronyms in an effort to make themselves appear indispensable.
[But thanks for whatever it is you actually do, TechGuy.]
Posted 1 year ago # -
Please allow me to clarify things.
In simple terms, what keeps happening is that evil robots attempt to pervade the web, sometimes with noticeable success such as NewsBiscuit response times slowing down to the extent that we can’t post our funnies or award stars to Titus.
These "cyber attacks" as they're called, render major institutions, including the United States Defense Department, your local council's planning department and TechGuy completely helpless. For a small fee, those major institutions are, however, allowed to see impressively long, robotically-generated numbers showing how the attacks are routed by BT OpenReach. It’s a bit like saying that someone who may or may not look like the alleged suspect used a fake bus pass on a number 11 bus and got off somewhere between Clapham Junction and Buckingham Palace.
If you know anyone who fits this description then please contact TechGuy immediately, or call 101 if the alleged suspect was carrying a Kalashnikoff or wearing a suicide vest. (Calls to 101 cost just 15p, regardless of the time you'll spend waiting in the telephone queue.)
You can support TechGuy by buying your Christmas gifts from the NewsBiscuit shop, as soon as it reopens after refurbishment.
Why evil robots pick on NewsBiscuit isn’t yet clear, except to say that wisdom dictates that if it’s not something Titus said then it will be one of Sydalg's appalling duffers. Doubtless, Throngsman is working tirelessly on statistical correlation as I write.
Meanwhile, if you have anything funny to say then please keep trying to post it in the Writers’ Room, just as soon as you can get a connection. We desperately need all the clever material we can get.
Posted 1 year ago # -
We are still being attacked at the moment and I have put some mitigation in place which hopefully with dilute the effect it is having on the servers.
If you know who is doing it then tell them that we'll set Titus on them if they don't stop.
Posted 1 year ago # -
set var string; hello_world(“It wasn/’t me.”)
010: repeat
020: on serverfull exit(repeat)
030: print hello_world
040: end repeat
050: endrun
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
It wasn’t me.
(ERROR - server full)
Posted 1 year ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.