William Hague has issued a strongly-worded statement, dismissing allegations that the Foreign Secretary is, to all intents and purposes, completely bald, as 'utterly false'.
Hague was forced to make the public rebuttal after rumours spread about the state of his coiffure and his supposed 'improper' relationship with special adviser Christopher Myers, after it emerged that the pair shared a comb whilst on the campaign trail.
'I feel it is necessary to issue this personal statement in response to press and internet speculation over the last 10 days,' he wrote. 'Yes, I did borrow Mr. Myers' comb once - we were out campaigning and I was finding it difficult to control my long, flowing locks with the small travel brush I had packed. Chris very kindly lent me his - and that is as far at it went. Allegations that I also cadged some sun cream, or, as some have cruelly suggested, polish, off him are completely baseless.'
Speculation that Hague's pate may be hairless has been fuelled in recent months after the former leader of the opposition emerged from the political wilderness sporting a flat cap during a visit to his constituency in Richmond, Yorkshire - which he steadfastly refused to remove in public. 'My hair is naturally luxuriant and shiny,' he once told reporters at an election photocall, 'it's quite a windy day and I've only just had it done.'
A recent radio appearance has also cast doubts on Hague's pate, after he told Desert Island Disks presenter Kirsty Young that his ideal castaway companions would be Bruce Forsyth, Russ Abbot and Ted Danson. 'There's just something inspirational about those guys - you can really tell they've got something going on up top, you know?'
Unfortunately, any hopes that his statement might scotch further rumours have proved unfounded, after Hague appeared on the front page of the tabloids this morning after being snapped by photographers while out walking with Christopher Myers, wearing his now trademark baseball cap and a T-shirt bearing the legend 'it's not a bald patch, it's a solar panel for a sex machine.'