Top professional wrestler 'The Bald Boss' has come out today to deny rumours of an 'inappropriate' relationship with fellow wrestler 'Ring Monster'.
The Bald Boss addressed reporters wearing his usual costume of Union Jack speedos, in order to end 'the terrible rumours that have plagued my professional career. I am not gay! I'm happily married to a lovely eastern European woman, and I just want to concentrate on my career, pulling off the moves you all love to see, the ring pull, the iron fist, and the reach around.'
'Wrestling is probably the most manly macho career going. Does that make me gay? Yeah right.' The Bald Boss then rubbed baby oil over himself in preparation for an imminent match.
The allegations arose after Ring Monster resigned today from the league they both are contracted to, 'WAW: Wrestling Association Wrestling'. Ring Monster and The Bald Boss had been sharing a hotel room on a recent tour of Japan, and the chemistry was 'undeniable' said a source. 'In the ring they were going at each other hammer and tongues.'
Critics of the sport point to the back room negotiations that many in the job do in order to get ahead of each other. These deals, colloquially called 'back door deals', have cast Ring Monster's departure in a shady light.
Homosexuality is known to be widespread throughout the sport, but often denied in public for fear of upsetting traditional fans. A few wrestlers are open about the issue, such as 'The Prince of Darkness' who admitted his sexual orientation whilst accepting the 2009 Royal Gang Bang Trophy. Despite this, many wrestlers struggle to reconcile their personal and private lives. 'This is an utterly backwards situation for 2010' said the Prince of Darkness. 'What is it about homosexuality that repulses our fanbase of troubled teenage males?'
'Why can't two semi-nude men grapple and roll around on the floor if one or both of them is gay?' he asked. 'How does sexuality come into that? Let's just be wide open about it. Let's blow it all out in the open. Besides, it's just a job, we are all doing our hardest. Now if you'll excuse me, this man here is not going to get choke slammed all by himself.'