Supermarket giant Tesco is marking the start of the new school term by launching its new Value range of teachers. The line is,aimed at cash-strapped government ministers who can no longer afford the expensive, traditional models. Typical customer Mr M Gove said ‘it’s always a worry for ministers at the start of every school year. Kids needs teachers for all sorts of things – lessons, sport, school trips - and the costs just mount up. We don’t have any choice but to buy them and sometimes they start to get tatty and grey well before the Christmas holidays. Now with this Value range I can kit out thousands of schools and still have change for a few teaching assistants as well.’
A spokesman for Tesco said ‘in this current economic climate we’re responding to demand for a cheaper model of teacher. This new range has been designed for value and durability. We guarantee they will last for at least an academic year or until the children give them a nervous breakdown. We’ll also be putting recycling bins in our stores so that schools can dispose of old teachers safely. We’ll send them on to disaster-hit areas like Pakistan, or just dump them in China when no-one is looking’.
Rival retailer Asda is believed to be responding by launching its range of cut price doctors, nurses and fireman this autumn under its own label George O at Asda, to coincide with the Chancellor’s announcement of how he plans to handle the nation’s spending deficit. The new range will go on sale alongside special promotions on paracetamol, whisky and razor blades.