Are you the proud owner of a shiny Apple Mac computer? Are you a man aged between 14-70? Well if so, chances are you'll also be keeping a cheap and nasty Windows PC 'on the side' for the use of internet pornography, according to a piece of research from PC Jerkker magazine.
The magazine polled 450 men and found that 85% of Mac owners refused to sully their beloved luxury consumer product with sleazy material. 'It doesn't feel right using my Mac for you-know-what,' said Rob Jones, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington. 'That's the keyboard I'm writing my novel on.'
That leaves one choice for precious males – to invest in a Windows based system on which to ogle the dirty flesh with a clean conscience. Ricardo DeSousa, editor of PC Jerkker explains: 'Having a Mac is like having a really hot model for a girlfriend. She's expensive and picky but she looks great sat on your table in a coffee bar. A PC is like a slightly ugly girl - maybe a bit embarrassing, but she's cheap, good to go and she doesn't give a damn what you stick in there. She'll let you plug in two mice at the same time if that's your thing. That's what I need my PC for, to do stuff my Mac would turn her nose up at.'
A lot of guys also find it hard to gain an erection in-front of their Macs. 'They put them on a pedestal. Like the beautiful model, they can be very intimidating, sexually. Even if you put a cloth over the built in web-cam, you still feel like she's laughing at you'.
'Therefore a lot of guys get a PC on the side, but keep them hidden away in draws or under the bed. They don't take them out, don't show them off to friends, they just drag them out when they're horny. It's sad but these PCs are normally happy for whatever they can get,' explained DeSousa.
Doug Selwyn of Shoreditch says his PC is a risk, but lets him go home and enjoy his Mac even more. 'I like the thrill of doing it secretly on a risky Windows computer. It might crash, it might get a virus, it might share your browser history with your misses. The thrill really turns me on, but also lets me appreciate my Mac for what it is, a lovely object and more of a long-term commitment thing. I want to build a family with my Mac.'
Microsoft are planning on capitalising on this research with an overtly sexual campaign built around the seedy allure of a ramshackle PC, releasing a special version of their OS called 'confessions of a Windows cleaner', and promoting with the slogan 'relax, we can just type if you want to'.