Act 1 scene 3.
Pete the trainee phone pervert nervously makes his first ever dirty phone call.......
Ring ring ring ring rin...........
Pete.Hhhaarrrhhhhh..panties...hhharrhhhhhhhhhhhhh black panties hhhuurrhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhh
Women.Andy?I dont know no Andys,I know an Abergale and a Angela and a Ashle..........
Pete.Arrrrhhhhhhh....hurrrhhhh black panties hhuurrrrhhhhhhhh arhhhhhhhhhhh
Women.The black panthers?
Pete.NO BLACK FUCKIN PANTIES arrhhhhhhhhhh hhurrrrrrhhhhhhh.
Pete.BLACK PANTIES KNICKERS
Women.Oh sorry I thought you said the black panthers....
Pete.No panties hhurrhhhh haaarrrhh huuuurrhh haarrrrrhhhhhhhh
Women Are you ill?your breathing sounds terrible,do you suffer from emphysema?
Pete.Hhuurrrhhhhhh aaaarrhhhhhhh what are you wearing? haarrhhhhhhh hhuuurrrrrrrhhhhhhhh arrhhhhhh
Women.Are you a heavey smoker,thats what killed my grandfather,Woodbines and the mustard gas didnt help of coarse,he got a medal i................
Pete.HHuuuurrrhhhh fuckin big TITS hhhhuuurrhhhhhh aaarrhhhhhhhh hhhurrhhh
Women.Filter tips?no not in them days,well not Woodbines anyway,then he took up a pipe well that...
Pete.Huuurrhhhh hhaarrhhhhhh sniff your muff arrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Women Snuff?no I cant remember him sniffing snuff,mind you I could be wrong,he liked big cigars at Christmas,anyway it all did him in in the end all the same,of coarse you didnt have nicotine patches in them days nobody had heard of them let alone smoked them.........
Pete.Huuurrhhhhhh have you got stiff nipples?arrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhuuuuurrhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Women.No he wasnt a cripple,but uncle George was a Spitfire pilot and he used to say.................
Pete.HAVE YOU GOT STIFF FUCKIN NIPPLES YES OR NO? for christ sake women.
Women.Stiff nipples?why do you want to no are you a central heating salesman,Ive got perfectly good central heating and were fully double glazed,so much better than a coal fire all that mess and................
Pete.No Im not selling anything,Im a fucking phone pervert you stupid bastard
Pete.YES..a phone pervert I phone people up,you know,heavey breathing arsehole belly tum tit lets all talk rude mums gone out the room thingey whatsit seedy man in a mac type stuff?
Women. Oh I see well why didnt you say before?
Women.why didnt you say so at the beggining when I said hello?
Pete.Well I did the heavey breathing and said black panties didnt I?I thought youd know...
Women No you didnt you said Black Panthers.
Pete.PANTIES PANTIES BLACK PANTIES is what I said you said black panthers.
Women.Im sorry,shall we start again?
Pete.Well no not now youve spoilt it now havnt you?all the suprise and shock elements been lost.
Women.Im sorry I didnt mean to.....please lets try again.
Pete.No I dont wont to youve ruined it.
Women.Oh dear your upset arent you,shall I phone you back later when youve cheered yourself up a bit..........I didnt mean to spoil it.........I realy didnt.
Pete.Well ok but pretend you dont no me ok?
Women.Ok...well let me take your number then,what is it?
Pete.Its 35467858936 ask for Pete the pervert.
Women.Ok Pete,oh hang on let me just find a pen.
Pete.Here use mine.
Women Oh thanks,whats the number again.
Heavey breathing,by Alan Bentnett.
(4 posts) (4 voices)
Act 1 scene 3.
Brilliant, it has a definite Peter Cook / Peter Sellers style feel to it! Very funny! Have 5 * for making a post bank holiday Tuesday much better!
you tapping my phone sloopz?
ha ha harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh ho ho ho harr harrrhhhhhh he he he hoooooooooooooooooooo arrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haha hoooooooooooooo upsee daisey whoooooooooooo ho ho hoooooo ha harrrrr ho ho ho he...............ho ha.........................ha ha ho
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