The world of Global Military Conflict was up in arms today after it emerged that a shady Swiss bookmaker offered bribes to top Axis officials during World War Two in return for information and influence over certain aspects of the war.
A national newspaper has revealed that Hermann Göring, Commander-in-Chief of the German Luftwaffe, may have deliberately thrown the Battle of Britain in order to cash in on the lucrative "spot-betting" scam. Concerns were raised at the time as to how Germany, with its superior firepower, failed to overcome the relative minnows of Great Britain but Göring blamed the defeat on poor attacking weather conditions and the solid forward defence and counterattacking of the British pilots. A spokesman for the Göring family said this morning "They tried to hang him out to dry at Nuremburg in 1946 and he found it a very bitter pill to swallow."
So called "spot-betting" is a form of gambling whereby bets can be placed on myriad individual aspects of a conflict, such as the number of casualties in a day, the timing of a Declaration of War, or even the number of minutes away a country may or may not be from launching a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Since the allegations came to light, other results have also been called into question. Many commentators have pointed to the USA's humiliating loss in South Asia in 1975, and Scotland's defeat at Falkirk in 1298 after which William Wallace was forced to resign as captain.
As the story broke last night, a leading commentator who didn't want to be named revealed that it has long been an open secret with the War community that corruption is here to stay. "The problem is these days these boys don't they're born with their fancy armour and laser guided missiles and all that nonsense. We used to go to war on uncovered beaches with Jerry whatsizface bowling hand grenades at us." He went on to reveal that he has always had his doubts about the British victory in 1945. "I've always said I don't know how we won with that Hugh Dowding in charge. The Commodore of Uncertainty, that's what I used to call him."
Outgoing head of the anti-corruption unit set up in 2000, Sir Paul Condon, said today "War is undoubtedly cleaner now than it was ten years ago but I don't think you will ever eradicate this entirely. It seems that sadly, despite our best efforts, there will always be unscrupulous individuals who will continue to make a killing from war."