'We've decided to make them an offer they can't refuse', said a Mr 'Big' Tony, a troubleshooter, who has recently arrived from Sicily at the request of the England Coaching Team. 'We just want the players to show a bit of respect. We provide motivational expertise in the form of long trips out to sea where the players can reassess what is important to them. We want them to feel they are part of one big happy family'.
Football Players Hiding in Bars and Clubs to be Press Ganged into England Squad
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