The collective rightward maneuver in politics across the globe is on such a large scale that it is likely to affect the planet's orbit, concerned scientists say. The consequences for global weather patterns are potentially disastrous and precisely the opposite of what many left-wing doom-mongers have been predicting.
Dr. George Partial of the Geneva Centre for Geopolitical Research has been studying global trends for thirty years. "It's not one thing by itself," he explains. "It's the ending of free education in wealthy countries, it's rising anti-immigrant fervor, it's lack of resistance to wars overseas, it's authoritarian laws about what people should wear, it's the increased use of inhumane business thinking in government, it's the dismantling of the welfare state, the constant increase in oppressive 'anti-terror' legislation, and it's the fact that it's happening in so many countries at once - it all adds up to the largest right-ward veer in global politics since the thirties."
Dr Partial has concluded that the weight of events could knock the Earth some hundreds of miles further away from the sun, resulting in unstable weather patterns and global cooling, with many Northern European countries potentially being rendered even more uninhabitable than they are now. "We can't say for sure what is going to happen," he explains. "Science is about probabilities, not certainties, but this process has already started. All I'm saying is, if I were you I'd stock up on winter woolies now before the panic-buying starts."
Others are far more sceptical. "It's complete nonsense," said a spokesman for the Taxpayer's Alliance, a right wing group often quoted in national media as an objective source. "The UK follows the path of moderation in all things - except tax, and we're working on that." The spokesman added, "Besides, won't it just make up for global warming? If there is such a thing, that is. Personally I have doubts."
Sam Thornton, a teenager from Hampshire with very little grasp of history or the political processes occurring around him said, "Well, if it's a choice between getting warmer and getting cooler, I'm going with cooler. The world needs to be a bit cooler. I might hate it less then."
The government made no direct response to the scientific claims but released a press statement saying, "We operate within the dynamic and vital constraints of global markets and macroeconomic realities, but we continue to offer UK citizens a comprehensive array of services, a warm inner feeling of safety to offset potential temperature changes, and a commitment to Value Added Thinking."