No doubt about it. We ARE related!
Research at Liverpool University has revealed that the scots share 96% of DNA with humans. The astonishing revelation casts serious questions about the way the scots are treated by humans.
"The findings of our 5 year DNA mapping project surprised even us." said Professor Neil Short of Liverpool University. "We recognise that the scots share many physical similarities with humans - they give birth to live young, have a rudimentary language and live in organised colonies, but we never expected them to be so closely related."
In 2003, scientists from the Wayne State University, School of Medicine Detroit revealed that chimpanzees share 98% of DNA with humans.
Environmental and wildlife groups have called for a rethink on the way scots are treated. "We have always taken the scots for granted." explained Jane Hollocks of the International Fund for Wildlife. "They have served humans well for thousands of years, and have been valued for their shouty aggressiveness. But in light of this new research perhaps we need to reassess our relationship. Perhaps it's time to treat them with more respect."
The catholic church has condemned the new research as outrageous and an insult to God.