Tesco hit stumbling block in D.J. Wetherspoons fightback
Supermarket giant, Tesco, announced today about that it was ‘deeply disturbed’ concerning reports that pub chain D.J. Wetherspoons are embarking on a programme of offering public services in their shitty ghettos.
A spokesman for Tesco, Ted Rogers, aged 321, explained that ‘It is the objective of Tesco to put every retailer in the U.K. out of business by 2015. We thought the Government supported us in our monopolising mission, but they clearly have other plans. With that in mind, we have embarked on a programme of opening a chain of Tesco Value pubs. However, our product and marketing experts have hit a stumbling block in being able to produce a product that rivals the sheer wankness of Wetherspoons pubs. It’s a challenging task and we shall endeavour to concentrate our efforts to rival Wetherspoons fiercely competitive brand’.
Actress Jane Horrocks said ‘Every little helps’ in a slightly patronising manner, before heading out to Waitrose to do her grocery shopping.