Prime Minister Teresa May has rushed to quell concerns about possible extremist influence on UK government policy by the Democratic Unionist party by insisting that the month-long series of tactical airstrikes on Dublin that will commence on the 12th of July were something that she has been "planning for ages."
"I am not in the habit of being influenced by others or making up policies on the hoof in a desperate attempt to cling onto power for its own sake", she managed to say with a straight face. "This policy of 1,690 airstrikes is obviously in the interests of the nation," continued the Prime Minister, "and by "the nation", I obviously mean "me".
Denying that she was joining up with a bunch of extremist lunatics only five days after telling the nation that there was too much tolerance of extremism, the Prime Minster was firm. "The DUP will have absolutely no influence over this Conservative government. I am my own strong and stable woman", she concluded, before burning a large Irish tricolour and jumping up and down on a photograph of the Pope.