The new Nissan Micra beloved of elderly motorists will feature a green electric motor to save its elderly devotees fuel on their one trip out for the week. The model features extra load space for all those Lidls carrier bags (‘I’m a pensioner you know’) and a wireless tuned to 1954. Body colours will be limited to black and white only as the license is cheaper.
Performance tests have shown that with a following wind the new vehicle can hit 6 miles per hour in the outside lane of the motorway. The rest of the time the car will stick to a steady 4mph in a straight line, round corners and through red traffic lights.
Optional extras will include a tartan rug and a specially shaped cushion for small dogs to sit on. A new safety feature is a sensor which plays the recorded message ‘you won’t get there any faster’ to chastise pushy motorists who overtake on the inside at speeds of up to 30 miles per hour.
In other news the AA and RAC have called for drivers over 70 to have a grey flashing light fitted to the roof of their car so other motorists can beware.