People should stop the casual labelling of Daily Mail readers as “bell-ends” or “tossers” according to a study by a leading think tank.
The UK Newspaper Readers Commission warned that comparing fans of the Daily Mail with the end-section of the penis which resembles a bell or policeman’s helmet merely stigmatises them and makes it much harder for them to ignore the newspaper and choose something not aimed at foaming, insecure lunatics with a hatred of anyone who belongs to a minority group or who has come back from holiday with an extraordinarily deep tan.
A report released this week has suggested that Mail readers should be treated with compassion, understanding and tolerance – all terms which are completely alien to the xenophobic knuckle-dragging half-wits. Terms such as ‘bellend’, ‘wanker’, ‘idiot’, ‘fuckwit’ and ‘dickhead’ are said to be judgemental and can lead to feelings of low self-worth among those who habitually buy the newspaper and then graduate to reading bits of it.
Instead the government has been urged to get to grips with prejudice against those who read an entirely fictitious story about gypsies eating the Queen’s swans and then jump to the conclusion that it was probably the Muslims that put them up to it. Or the Jews. Or the Irish. Or one of that lot anyway.
Report author Charlie Lloyd, of York University, said:
‘There is overwhelming evidence that sane people regard readers of the Mail - including those who used to read it but have since tried to piece their lives back together by reading something like The Times only to find that they struggle a little with the text before working their way back to The Mail, perhaps via the crutch of The Express - as undesirables and probably best off in some sort of holding centre where they can work up a genuine grudge. That or a proper full-on ‘rehabilitation’ camp. Yeah that’s more like it. Hurr hurr. ‘
But Mail reader Dave Evans hit back, saying ‘I don’t need some liberal commie poofter to tell me who’s stealing all the council houses. Mind you – I’ve got nothing against the gays. Some of them are very nice people. It’s the ones who are always going on about it I can’t stand. ’