"The Death Star will be used for entirely peaceful purposes" said President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today. "The state of Israel - which will be within range in under five hours - has absolutely nothing to worry about."
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Iran Completes Construction of Death Star
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rickwestwell
offlineMemberUtterly brilliant. I'd like a full FP from this, please!
NewsBiscuit - You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...
Posted 2 years ago # -
nealdoran
offlineMemberWell, is no-one to take up the rickwestwell full sub challenge? Iran, Star Wars, two hardy NB perennials in one right there...
I would, but I last saw a Star Wars movie when I was, y'know, a kid, and believe the fatwas these SF nuts put out if you get the facts wrong make Salman Rushdie's run in with the radicals look like a walk in the park.
Posted 2 years ago # -
rickwestwell
offlineMemberI'm not scared - I know my Han Slocombe from my Jam Jar Binks, so if Insomnia doesn't fancy it I'll get writing soon, unless it's been tickered/NIBd already.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Sinnick
offlineMemberI can't get the idea of Darth Sidious & Darth Vador in niqabs out of my head. Urgh. And to think Iran is thinking about nuclear fusion (for peaceful purposes, of course - they wouldn't misuse the ingredients, would they ?).
I look forward to the article. 5 (death) stars.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Okay chums, rickwestwell and I have taken Insomnia's ball and ran with it. Here is the result of our union...
Iran completes construction of Death Star
The balance of power in the Middle East has altered dramatically today, after President Ahmadinejad unveiled the latest weapon in Iran's arsenal: a fully functioning Death Star.
'The Death Star will be used for entirely peaceful purposes,' he told journalists at a specially convened press conference, 'The state of Israel - which will be within range in under five hours - has absolutely nothing to worry about.'
The UN has reacted to the Death Star's unveiling by sending its top man to ascertain the threat that such a monstrosity poses. 'I intend to perform a thorough inspection,' declared weapons inspector Hans Solo, 'and I pledge to work alongside UK's newly-appointed special envoy to the region, Prescott the Hutt, despite the unfortunate matter of a few gambling debts.'
Surprisingly other nations have greeted the news with a calm level-headedness. From Washington, the US state department said that it saw no 'proliferation risk' from the planetoid, although it is rumoured that the Pentagon is planning on resurrecting an anti-missile strategy started in the 1980s by President Reagan. The UK also said had 'always respected' Iran's right to a giant planet-killing space station - provided it was used purely for civilian purposes.
However Israel has condemned the move: 'It is totally unacceptable that a country that so blatantly violates international treaties should enjoy the fruits of using nuclear energy in such a way,' its Foreign Ministry said in a statement, before reminding Iran of the consequences of any action against Israel. 'Remember - if you strike us down, we shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.'
With tensions in the area now reaching boiling point, many observers are drawing parallels with the Iraq war, which began following so-called intelligence that Saddam Hussein was actively building an Imperial class Star Destroyer. According to the diplomatic editor of The Times, world leaders should remember the words of weapons expert David Kelly, who later tragically committed suicide in a giant garbage compactor: 'Those who refuse to learn from history are condemned to repeat it in a vastly inferior series of prequels.'
Posted 2 years ago # -
rickwestwell
offlineMemberExcellent work from the mystery team of insomniaandjp1885andrickwestwell - who are these masked mirth-makers?
Posted 2 years ago #
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