The Daily Smut today meets up with Mary, a lovely young girl who has a wealth of academic achievement including 8 O levels and newly acquired 5 A Levels (all A*). Mary cannot understand why she still can't get into a University.
Our on- site reporter Peter Smith spoke to Mary yesterday in the Inns of Court, Wakefield. "So, tell me Mary what seems to be the problem, you have great grades, great legs and a really pretty smile, aren’t you precisely what University’s are looking for?"
"Oh I really don't know Peter, I mean what is wrong with me, I have a loose reputation, carry my own rohypnol, have had my boobs enhanced and buy all my pants from Anne Summers so I just don't understand why nobody would want me?" “I have far uglier friends who are boring church going snobs and virgins and they have all got places, it is so unfair!”
“So, what is the plan then Mary?” asked Peter
“Well, I think I’m just going to get absolutely fucking hammered, get shagged on the pool table and hopefully some Lecturer will spot me and offer me a place in his course.. hic hic..” responded Mary, before passing out in a pool of someone else’s vomit...