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1. 

   Scroat
   

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   Lithuanian Marium Varinauskas
   Thought he was handy with his proboscis
   But the copper was ticked
   Marium got nicked
   And now he's stopped drinking those vodkas.

   There was a young man with a truncheon
   Who suggested a PC should munch on
   The copper said no
   Which was a bit of a blow
   So he had a large vodka for luncheon.

   I know they're terrible, but inspiration is in short supply today.

   Posted 3 years ago #
2. 

   allmyownstunts
   

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   At least you bothered, Scroat. Try the one about the young girl from Nantucket.

   Posted 3 years ago #
3. 

   John Square
   

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   The proboscis/vodka rhyme is inspired, but I prefer the second one.

   Just out of interest, do you know a young man called Enis?

   Posted 3 years ago #
4. 

   Scroat
   

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   There was a young girl from Nantucket
   Who drank beer from out of a bucket
   When asked if she's p*ssed
   This is simply dismissed
   "Who gives a toss, oh f*ck it."

   Posted 3 years ago #
5. 

   allmyownstunts
   

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   Huzzah! Pam Ayres would be turning in her grave, if she were dead.

   Posted 3 years ago #
6. 

   PluckyMunky
   

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   there was a young man called Enis
   who had a tiny penis
   when having sex
   he was very vexed
   when people said 'are you in us?'

   Posted 3 years ago #
7. 

   sauce
   

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   There was an old man from Tashkent
   Whose tool was all battered and bent
   To save himself trouble
   he put it in double
   and instead of coming he went

   There was a young man called Denzel
   whose tool was as sharp as a pencil
   he punctured an actress
   the sheet and the mattress
   and shattered the household untensil

   (my late m-i-l was a fabulous fund of filthy lymerics, bless her)

   Posted 3 years ago #
8. 

   theumpire
   

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   There was a young lady from Wantage
   Of whom the town clerk took advantage.
   Said the borough surveyor
   "Of course you must pay her -
   You've totally altered her frontage."

   Posted 3 years ago #
9. 

   Jammydodgers
   

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   A Baltic, of strong drink, availed
   met one WPC, and was jailed,
   cos he whacked out his chopper,
   and smacked the girl copper,
   in the face, or he tried... but he failed.

   Posted 3 years ago #
10. 

    sauce
    

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    Good one, Jammy

    Posted 3 years ago #
11. 

    Hunter F. Thompson
    

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    Almost daily, a vicar from Bude
    Swam out to a rock in the nude,
    And when he did not
    He was legless and hot,
    Though not naked, nor nearly as rude.

    Posted 3 years ago #
12. 

    malgor
    

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    A fellow who was Lithuanian
    With a penis as hard as titanium
    Lifted helmet
    Up t’ pelmet
    Then brought it back down on her cranium.

    Posted 3 years ago #
13. 

    The All New Jeni B
    

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    I really wish I could score these.

    Posted 3 years ago #
14. 

    PluckyMunky
    

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    hello, jeni, how are you and your family, tonight? well, i hope.

    Posted 3 years ago #
15. 

    Crow
    

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    As Titian was mixing rose madder
    His model posed nude on a ladder
    Her position to Titian suggested coition
    So he ran up the ladder and 'ad 'er

    Posted 3 years ago #

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