Managers at the reconciliation service Acas faced a crisis last night after a number of staff walked out. “Everyone comes to us for mediation in these circumstances,” said a spokesman. “Who are we supposed to go to?”
The dispute arose after a senior manager fired a secretary for “not performing duties required by the role.” It is understood that the duties in question involve whipping the manager with a riding crop whilst dressed as Mary Poppins and singing ‘Candle in the Wind.’
Acas are best known for mediating in the British Airways strike of 2010, the Miners’ Strikes of the 1980s, and the constant bickering between the Gallagher brothers for most of their career.
Last night they appealed for assistance. “Can someone, anyone, come forward and help us to sit down with our staff and talk this through,” the spokesman said, in an impassioned plea to the nation’s media. “We were going to ask Tony Blair, but he charges a fortune.”
However, this morning it is understood that Supernanny Jo Frost has volunteered to help out, promising to “sit them all down on the naughty step until they stop this unacceptable behaviour.”