Waterstones are going to launch a new classification system in all their stores across the UK. The plan has been devised following customer research in all the UK branches of Waterstones. The research found that many customers were wandering aimlessly around and around the stores looking for certain books without success. Even more extraordinary it transpired that these people were often rather vague about the actual classification of the book and also rather embarrassed at the thought of having to ask for assistance from staff who were clearly sat on their bums doing nothing.
The new classification system will fit snugly between the 'Fantasy Fiction' and 'General Fiction' sections of the store and will be known as 'Delusional Fiction'.
Bob Wilkins, one of the original 10,000 customers sampled has been chosen by Waterstones to conduct the ceremonial opening of the first such classification section in their Marbel Arch Store. Bob said "Well, to be honest it is about time really love, last month I spent about 5hrs trying to find that new conspiracy novel by whatshisface Mandelson and for the life of me I couldn't find it!" "I searched through the Tolkiens, the Le Carres, the Collins and all the other masterful espionage and conspiracy writers and couldn't find it nowhere!" "Oh and I mean, come on really, it ain't like I'm going to shiny meself and ask is it, how stoopid would I look then?" "To be honest I'd rather ask for the where abouts of the Kuma Satra or whatever it be!"
Peter Struthard, son of Mary Anne Struthard (nee Hamingrey) the Operations Director for Waterstones was a little more succinct "We felt it was critical that people could immediately find the up and coming book by Tony Blair and lets be honest most of us would be scouring the True Crime section wouldn't we, thus we thought that this new classification of 'Delusional Fiction' would be a kind of 'catch all' when it came to politicians, public figures and so forth..." "In the case of Tony Blair's new book, the section is conveniently close to the fire escape as well, just in case people can't wait until they get outside to set fire to it..."