The annual debate regarding falling education standards and dumbing down is once again raging today with the announcement of this year’s gang initiation test results.
The results show an increase in passes for the 28th year in a row, prompting many critics to argue that gang members are not getting better, tests are getting easier. One former gang member complained ‘can you believe that there is no longer any need to actually kill a random stranger in today’s initiation test? All candidates need to do is glare menacingly at a pensioner whilst wearing a hoodie. These kids wouldn’t have got an E in my day, let alone an A star.’
Others have criticised the amount of coursework that counts towards candidates’ final grade. ‘It’s all too easy for candidates to get their parents to do their projects for them’ complained former Chief Inspector of Schools Chris Woodhead. ‘We’ve seen cases of dads selling crack outside junior schools and mums mugging teenagers for their mobile phones, just to make sure their children get top marks in their coursework.’
The NUT has defended the results however, arguing that credit should be given to the hard work of students and gang teachers who are having to teach increasingly large class sizes with ever tighter resources.
However, many gang leaders have also been expressing their dissatisfaction with the current system of testing. ‘It’s high time the Government reviewed matters’ said gang leader Kyle Jones. ‘Myself and many of my colleagues have noticed a significant decline in knife and gun skills in recent years, which means that we have to spend valuable time and money teaching new recruits basic skills ourselves when we could be out their selling drugs and pimping. We’re falling behind the rest of Europe and our black economy is suffering.’