Chancellor George Osborne today announced the latest target for Treasury cost-cutting plans. "Things" said Osborne at a morning Whitehall Press briefing "have got out of hand, and we are going to rein them in. We shall be taking a short, hard look at both Big and Small things, and also encompass those Things sized in between." "It is a sad fact." he continued. When questioned as to what was a sad fact he replied "Things - expenditure on Things had increased almost three-fold under the previous Labour administration, and just had to be stopped". "Treasury forecasts predict that unless things change in Thing funding, then other things would suffer, including our International Thing Rating, leading to a downturn in thing production, including all things bright and beautiful".
He further announced that two Quangos responsible for spending and monitoring Things, ThingCo and OffThing, would close and Thing decision-making handed down to Local Authority Thing Departments. "I am pleased to announce", he finished "that the fine detail of our Thing cutting agenda will be handled by our LibDem Junior Minister, er..you know, John ThingummyBob".