Bond comes out of retirement to warn Rachel Reeves
A smartly dressed man ordered a martini for Rachel Reeves, asking it to be not stirred, but very shaken. ‘The name’s Bonds. Government...
New Angela 'Three Pads' Rayner version of Monopoly launched
Hasbeen, manufacturer of the classic property trading board game Monopoly, has decided to base a special edition on the antics of Deputy...
Aunty Angela's Stamp Payment Error
Noah Thomkinson, now aged six years and four days, was in tears yesterday when an eagerly-anticipated sixth birthday card from his Aunty...
Tories pledge to get all the sauce out of ketchup bottles
The Tories are proposing a 'maximum extraction strategy' for ketchup and sauce bottles. New legislation will require sauce bottles to...
Netanyahu to offer small boats to the people of Gaza
Benjamin Netanyahu plans to offer small boats to the people of Gaza, and of the West Bank, so that they can go to ... well, anywhere they...
Trump awarded Knobel Piece Prize
After an extended peacekeeping effort where he stopped upwards of twenty wars, not all totally imaginary, President Trump is to be...
Council covers potholes with paintings of tarmac
Teeside council have admitted that they are using paintings of tarmac to disguise many of the potholes in local roads. Local artists have...
Tony Blair to save Palestine...for dessert
The Grim Reaper in chinos has decided to be a c$☆% again, but proposing a solution for the Palestinians. How final it is, is yet to be...
MPs to require ‘A’ Levels in bid to reduce the number of thickos in Parliament
In a rare outburst of common sense Keir Starmer is to introduce minimum qualification standards for MPs. They won’t need to match nurses...
Trump resigns over Ed Davey snub
The President has cut short his second term, all because the Lib Dems were a bit mean. The US has been plunged into a constitutional...
