'We'd like to find out just how Mo and Kimmy have successfully won so many elections, so that we can take a leaf out of their books.' says Lord Mandelson. 'We have to get New New Labour back in power as quickly, and for as long as possible. What better paradigms could we have?'
'Along with Ed Balls, I feel the hand of history in our trousers,' Mandelson continued, ' and that I am about to come into my own.'
Their jet-setting tour will also take in Zimbabwe and Cuba.